Today has been amazing. I have always been somewhat reluctant to say that a day is perfect, but it seems that this entire week has been that way. Yes, there have been brief moments of sadness and depression, but the majority of the time I have been happy and excited about all that life has to teach me. But to return to why today has been so great, I must say that there is nothing better in life than being able to be honest with yourself about your feelings. Before this summer, I had a difficult time expressing how I felt about so many different things, which was a hassle. I always felt so burdened, not wanting to do much of anything unless it had something to do with Togetherness, which is a program that I created my freshmen year of college. This program gave me the reassurance that I needed to know that expressing the truth to other people is possible, but I found myself telling the same story -- "My name is Michael Roulhac, and I am survivor, a survivor that has had to deal with life circumstances that many would find unbelievable." It was, and is, a good story to tell, but the story was sad. I would only speak of my triumphs momentarily, not taking an opportunity to talk about the good things about my life. I did not want to express my happiness and joy. I was so lost in the adversity that I blinded myself to the realities of all the great things transpiring right in front of my face. But who could blame me? Up until college, my life was constantly bombarded by negativity. Everywhere I looked, I saw darkness. It was awful, and since it was the only thing that I chose to see, it was the only thing I felt comfortable talking about. It really is ironic when I think about it.
The negative around me was my inspiration. It gave me the motivation and determination to find jubilation. When I was six years old, I vividly remember working for a company called Jesse's Moving. Again, I was six at the time, but I remember working with grown men who were making the same wages that I was -- a measly ten dollars an hour, sometimes less. Ten dollars an hour was a lot for me, but it disturbed me that grown men, who were responsible for children, mortgage payments, car payments, and other bills, were depending on this job as their only source of income. It was then that I knew I needed to make sure to turn the negative into positive. At that moment, I decided that I was not going to let my circumstances affect me. It would have been easy for me to succumb to the adversity, but I was strong. I saw my mother's example, and wanted to do better than her. But by blinding myself to the realities of my situation, I trained myself to lie in order to feel better. It worked for quite some time, but then I realized that I had created a massive hole of emptiness because I was not being honest with myself. So, this summer, I made it a priority to discover the truth about my existence. I wanted to know why I am here and what I am suppose to do, questions that come with severe consequence once investigated. Regardless, the search began.
I looked deep into my heart and soul, challenging myself to think in the abstract constantly. What if scenarios were my speciality at the time: What if I could go back into the past and change this situation or that relationship, and what about that one time? Theses were questions that I would pose to myself constantly. The answers were disturbing at times, but I continued to search for meaning, loosing myself to thought for days at a time. The experience itself was surreal. I knew that I was alive, but life was too good to be true. I literally felt as if I was living in a dream. I doubted the reality of my existence. I had been accustomed to negativity. I felt that I was undeserving of such jubilation. But I soon realized that I was wrong about the latter proposition. It is okay to be happy. Sadness comes and goes, but happiness is everlasting, I just have to be open to express the truth of my existence. Until then, the confusion will corrupt my mind, eating away at the foundation of honesty that I have been working so hard to build.
When I deemed this summer as the summer of truth, I wasn't exactly sure what I meant by such a broad and general statement, but now I understand. It is okay to be happy, and not have to worry about what might happen today, tomorrow, or three weeks from now. With God serving as the foundation of my life, I need not worry about what I cannot change. All that I can do is move forward, accepting His guidance as it comes.
At the beginning of this post I mentioned that today has been amazing, and the reason for such a claim is that I can literally see my dreams coming true. My whole prerogative in life is to unite people from multiple and varied perspectives. And each day, I am given an opportunity to do so; it is just a matter of expressing the truth about myself to others, something that has frightened me for so long. But I have come to understand that if you express the truth about yourself, people will reciprocate your efforts, at least in most cases. I am not naive. I know there are plenty of people that could care less about what you have to say, and will lie, cheat, and steal to have their way. However, I believe that these type of people are only but a small portion of the human population. Most of us want the world to change for the better, and by working together, such change will be fostered.
These paragraphs are scattered I know, but thank you for baring with me, there is so much on my mind, and I know if I do not express it now, it will remain as a burden. I do not like to carry unnecessary burdens, and I believe expressing myself to others is one of the best way to alleviate those burdens. All of this to say that I do not like to express details about my life. It has always been easy for me to talk about the ideas of what I might be experiencing, but I rarely talk about what I am actually going through, especially when things are going well. I would rather talk about the negative or the ideas that go behind making the negative positive. But now I am no longer afraid to tell the truth, and I know by doing so I can do more to help others. One thing I learned during the Interfaith Leadership Institute, which took place in D.C. this week, is the fact that "if I ain't given, I ain't livin," so I want to share all that I can, in hopes that it well help other people.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Yet Another Connection
Sometimes I just sit and wonder...
On more occasions that I want to admit, I just do not take the time to write about what I am thinking, I am ashamed to say that, but it is the truth. Rather than dealing with the emotions of a certain event, especially those associated with the present, I contemplate, letting my thoughts flow like a mystic stream in a land of nothingness that is pristine in nature, but full of desire, want, and corruption. I apologize for the the abstract description, but, to me, it is what I consider to be most natural. I do not like to describe things in any ordinary or mundane way, that bores me. I like to live life high, no, not under the influence of marijuana, but from the beauty and passion that is contained within my life and those around me. That is what gives me the greatest joy, and when I take time to illustrate my thoughts, I do not believe that it is appropriate to relegate such knowledge to the ordinary and mundane fields of existence. By doing so, I feel as if I am limiting my potential as a human being. Personally, I do believe that we were made in God's image, and because of this truth, there are certain modes of existence that are infinite in theory. I do love theory -- it is positive to think about what could or could not be, but what about taking action to turn certain theories into reality? A lot of people talk about what they should or wish they could do, why not do it? What is there to be afraid of?
I have a mentor that once explained to me the concept of fear. And though I do not remember the explicit details of his theory, the point was clear: There is nothing to fear than fear itself. What is fear? Good question, fear is nothing more than what your mind conceptualizes as a hindrance to being or becoming the person that you want to be. As Descartes once explained, the will is an infinite quality of human existence. Our understanding is not infinite, but only because we lack certain experiences to dictate the best courses of action in unfamiliar situations. When this occurs -- when we honestly do not know what to do in a given situation -- fear presents itself. Instead of taking the action necessary (and yes, I am guilty of this as well, but I try my best to recognize the fear and conquer it) to bring about our desired results, we recoil and develop as many excuses that we can think of to disprove the potential of our plan of action. Taking time to think and reflect on past experiences is positive, let me make that point clear, but when positive thinking does not lead to positive action, we limit our ability to achieve the greatest level of connectivity imaginable.
On more occasions that I want to admit, I just do not take the time to write about what I am thinking, I am ashamed to say that, but it is the truth. Rather than dealing with the emotions of a certain event, especially those associated with the present, I contemplate, letting my thoughts flow like a mystic stream in a land of nothingness that is pristine in nature, but full of desire, want, and corruption. I apologize for the the abstract description, but, to me, it is what I consider to be most natural. I do not like to describe things in any ordinary or mundane way, that bores me. I like to live life high, no, not under the influence of marijuana, but from the beauty and passion that is contained within my life and those around me. That is what gives me the greatest joy, and when I take time to illustrate my thoughts, I do not believe that it is appropriate to relegate such knowledge to the ordinary and mundane fields of existence. By doing so, I feel as if I am limiting my potential as a human being. Personally, I do believe that we were made in God's image, and because of this truth, there are certain modes of existence that are infinite in theory. I do love theory -- it is positive to think about what could or could not be, but what about taking action to turn certain theories into reality? A lot of people talk about what they should or wish they could do, why not do it? What is there to be afraid of?
I have a mentor that once explained to me the concept of fear. And though I do not remember the explicit details of his theory, the point was clear: There is nothing to fear than fear itself. What is fear? Good question, fear is nothing more than what your mind conceptualizes as a hindrance to being or becoming the person that you want to be. As Descartes once explained, the will is an infinite quality of human existence. Our understanding is not infinite, but only because we lack certain experiences to dictate the best courses of action in unfamiliar situations. When this occurs -- when we honestly do not know what to do in a given situation -- fear presents itself. Instead of taking the action necessary (and yes, I am guilty of this as well, but I try my best to recognize the fear and conquer it) to bring about our desired results, we recoil and develop as many excuses that we can think of to disprove the potential of our plan of action. Taking time to think and reflect on past experiences is positive, let me make that point clear, but when positive thinking does not lead to positive action, we limit our ability to achieve the greatest level of connectivity imaginable.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
My Own Song
I was compelled to write this after reading a few pages of Whitman's poem, "Song of Myself," a true masterpiece of passion and love. Please enjoy!
My Own Song
I am not sure if I can understand how so much beauty - the beauty if life - can be contained is so few words. I am not there with Whitman, but I am present. As he describes the movement of the unsettled crowd, I can visualize the confusion, the chaos, and I desire to stand next to him, wondering what all of it means. But I cannot contemplate, he does not allow me to; I must move along.
And now the sound caresses my body; the wind is my vibration and I am free, but still I do not understand you, Whitman. What are attempting to explain, so much contained within so little, and still you continue to move.
How is that we have arrived here, you, me, and all that is the world? Describe the brevity, but do not eliminate my joy. The moment is bliss, I cannot refrain, refrain from what? Is this not a dream? No, you must refrain from the urge, the urge to stop and stare, to be one with those who have accepted the deep and solemn trot. Will you go with them or shall we continue to soar amongst the clouds, the stars, the planets - the universe, you decide.
Whitman I must hold on for fear that the moment might escape me. There is too much to see, too much to do, I am defeated by the languid nature of them all. Please, we must rest. My heart races ever faster. My soul is being torn from the love lost. Stop I say!
The incessant cry will remains, but we will continue to journey further into the depths of unknown love and passion, beauty and good, inspiration and hope.
Brother for brother, sister with sister, we are all one, but we are none. The lies of the world have misguided us. The birth of the grass was a mere fable. There can be no death; all that remains is the cycle. Whitman, I cannot breathe. I am suffocating in my own ignorance, and yet you persist in your efforts. I ask once more, how is that so much is contained within so little. A vessel, yes, a vessel, that is what we all are, but we do not understand. Comprehension is a must; we will fight; we will die; we will fight, and we will die. He mustn't scorch the earth with his plague of darkness. I will not accept it. I want to stay there, but I cannot. Who is to blame? Me? Or You?
The thoughts run with the flow of the stream. Yes, and Whitman has raised the level of understanding to an unprecedented level. Finally, a voice that understands the passion that I have for life, as well as the spirit to depict what I see, despite the suffering. The moment, for me, is full of love, but I am continually forced to depart with the warm embrace. They continually tell me be strong, fight the good fight; do what is right. I will, and I have, but the difficulty has increased exponentially. I find myself wanting to live in the moment forever, no distractions, no fears, no worries, just life. Only myself that is why I sing to me. Only the nature that is God can understand; yet I will turn to other outlets. I will scream; I will yell, but all to no avail. I want to stop. I want to live there forever. But that will only amount to stagnation. I perceive the wonderment; I know of the pleasure, but I cannot concede, so I must sing to myself. I will make myself happy by mere reflection. This is my only option, since I cannot recreate the moment when I am experiencing it. All that I must depend on is the song, the song of the birds, the children, the soul, and the heart. That is what is music to my ears. My song is but a sorrowful depiction. DuBois spoke if it well; and it is no coincidence that he and Whitman coincide (remember, great minds think alike). Consanguinity does not always foster intimacy, but in this case it does... But why?
One must know thyself (again so much life contained within so little). When you have your own song, you can perceive the seemingly imperceptible. The rhythm and voice is unique, but the chord strikes you at the core. Here you are digging, The Sea, the Ocean, and the Devil too, all have been conquered. Will you not realize that is time to reemerge? Whitman is the soul of life. DuBois was the guide. And she is your reassurance. The portal was opened by The Rite, mastered through the art of perception, conception, and inception. With the ideas constantly flowing, how could you perceive otherwise?
Connection.
Ah yes, this is what it all amounts to. There is not a single event that can escape you. The articulation may never be of your own doing, but that is only because you perceive that your life is limited. Do you not remember the eternal soul, the one with billions of voicing screaming in unison, captivating and sustaining you? Do you not remember? What a foolish individual you have become, such ignorance is not becoming of you. And now you are free.
An unexpected moment with one that you love. He was once but a stranger, but now you speak through one another. For such a long time you have waited for this kind and gentle soul to listen to you. He is not her because he is better. When honesty, trust, and loyalty serve as the foundations of friendship, much more can be achieved. Yes, it was possible for you to have this with all of them. But that time has passed, so the time is now. Accept your growth and continue to express. Expression will allow you to attain so much more. The heart is solid, the mind is weary, but you must continue to seek more.
We move as one because that is our essence. If life has granted me anything, that I will understand as the ultimate lesson. I told her that I would allow the tears to flow on the page; so I will accept that wisdom is forever, and experience comes with age. So what have I seen that confirms this totality of being? What makes me so positive? I did not understand not what he described, but I followed with enthusiasm and interest. The answer, then, is nothing more than my own song of faith.
I have found my song once more. Tell them! The heavens, the people, the creatures, the insects, mammals, animals, please tell them all. He waited until 50, but I have it now. I will serenade them all with my lull, my eagerness of expression - return to the question...
How is so much beauty - the beauty of life - contained within so few words? Easy, one must find their own song and be soothed by their own voice. Only then will you begin to feel, to understand, to love life, all of it, with a passion that makes it almost impossible not remove to yourself from the moment. But by doing so, you gain further perspective and experience. The life we live is something of a whole, so the song that I sing to myself will come from the soul.
My Own Song
I am not sure if I can understand how so much beauty - the beauty if life - can be contained is so few words. I am not there with Whitman, but I am present. As he describes the movement of the unsettled crowd, I can visualize the confusion, the chaos, and I desire to stand next to him, wondering what all of it means. But I cannot contemplate, he does not allow me to; I must move along.
And now the sound caresses my body; the wind is my vibration and I am free, but still I do not understand you, Whitman. What are attempting to explain, so much contained within so little, and still you continue to move.
How is that we have arrived here, you, me, and all that is the world? Describe the brevity, but do not eliminate my joy. The moment is bliss, I cannot refrain, refrain from what? Is this not a dream? No, you must refrain from the urge, the urge to stop and stare, to be one with those who have accepted the deep and solemn trot. Will you go with them or shall we continue to soar amongst the clouds, the stars, the planets - the universe, you decide.
Whitman I must hold on for fear that the moment might escape me. There is too much to see, too much to do, I am defeated by the languid nature of them all. Please, we must rest. My heart races ever faster. My soul is being torn from the love lost. Stop I say!
The incessant cry will remains, but we will continue to journey further into the depths of unknown love and passion, beauty and good, inspiration and hope.
Brother for brother, sister with sister, we are all one, but we are none. The lies of the world have misguided us. The birth of the grass was a mere fable. There can be no death; all that remains is the cycle. Whitman, I cannot breathe. I am suffocating in my own ignorance, and yet you persist in your efforts. I ask once more, how is that so much is contained within so little. A vessel, yes, a vessel, that is what we all are, but we do not understand. Comprehension is a must; we will fight; we will die; we will fight, and we will die. He mustn't scorch the earth with his plague of darkness. I will not accept it. I want to stay there, but I cannot. Who is to blame? Me? Or You?
The thoughts run with the flow of the stream. Yes, and Whitman has raised the level of understanding to an unprecedented level. Finally, a voice that understands the passion that I have for life, as well as the spirit to depict what I see, despite the suffering. The moment, for me, is full of love, but I am continually forced to depart with the warm embrace. They continually tell me be strong, fight the good fight; do what is right. I will, and I have, but the difficulty has increased exponentially. I find myself wanting to live in the moment forever, no distractions, no fears, no worries, just life. Only myself that is why I sing to me. Only the nature that is God can understand; yet I will turn to other outlets. I will scream; I will yell, but all to no avail. I want to stop. I want to live there forever. But that will only amount to stagnation. I perceive the wonderment; I know of the pleasure, but I cannot concede, so I must sing to myself. I will make myself happy by mere reflection. This is my only option, since I cannot recreate the moment when I am experiencing it. All that I must depend on is the song, the song of the birds, the children, the soul, and the heart. That is what is music to my ears. My song is but a sorrowful depiction. DuBois spoke if it well; and it is no coincidence that he and Whitman coincide (remember, great minds think alike). Consanguinity does not always foster intimacy, but in this case it does... But why?
One must know thyself (again so much life contained within so little). When you have your own song, you can perceive the seemingly imperceptible. The rhythm and voice is unique, but the chord strikes you at the core. Here you are digging, The Sea, the Ocean, and the Devil too, all have been conquered. Will you not realize that is time to reemerge? Whitman is the soul of life. DuBois was the guide. And she is your reassurance. The portal was opened by The Rite, mastered through the art of perception, conception, and inception. With the ideas constantly flowing, how could you perceive otherwise?
Connection.
Ah yes, this is what it all amounts to. There is not a single event that can escape you. The articulation may never be of your own doing, but that is only because you perceive that your life is limited. Do you not remember the eternal soul, the one with billions of voicing screaming in unison, captivating and sustaining you? Do you not remember? What a foolish individual you have become, such ignorance is not becoming of you. And now you are free.
An unexpected moment with one that you love. He was once but a stranger, but now you speak through one another. For such a long time you have waited for this kind and gentle soul to listen to you. He is not her because he is better. When honesty, trust, and loyalty serve as the foundations of friendship, much more can be achieved. Yes, it was possible for you to have this with all of them. But that time has passed, so the time is now. Accept your growth and continue to express. Expression will allow you to attain so much more. The heart is solid, the mind is weary, but you must continue to seek more.
We move as one because that is our essence. If life has granted me anything, that I will understand as the ultimate lesson. I told her that I would allow the tears to flow on the page; so I will accept that wisdom is forever, and experience comes with age. So what have I seen that confirms this totality of being? What makes me so positive? I did not understand not what he described, but I followed with enthusiasm and interest. The answer, then, is nothing more than my own song of faith.
I have found my song once more. Tell them! The heavens, the people, the creatures, the insects, mammals, animals, please tell them all. He waited until 50, but I have it now. I will serenade them all with my lull, my eagerness of expression - return to the question...
How is so much beauty - the beauty of life - contained within so few words? Easy, one must find their own song and be soothed by their own voice. Only then will you begin to feel, to understand, to love life, all of it, with a passion that makes it almost impossible not remove to yourself from the moment. But by doing so, you gain further perspective and experience. The life we live is something of a whole, so the song that I sing to myself will come from the soul.
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Death of A Loved One
It pains me to know that I lack the experience of loss. I am still trudging through "The Souls of Black Folk" by DuBois, I cannot help but to wonder how he was able to persist in his efforts, despite the constant injustice that was imposed upon him by a society that rejected notions of Negro intelligence as a farce. American society has changed a great deal since the time of DuBois, but it seems that what DuBois was able to accomplish was beyond his years, and in many ways, it still beyond what we believe and understand today. Yet I do not want emphasize his prescient scholarship, I would rather analyze the feeling that he conveyed through the death of his son.
The vicissitudes of life are daily, moment to moment, even, and in his essay "Of the Passing of the First Born," DuBois captures these drastic changes with stunning clarity. His essay is no more than five pages long, but it seems that the reader is subjected to six or seven different personalities of DuBois. One was enraged, the other, misguided, another depressed, and several others either confused, betrayed, wounded, joyous, or sullen. All of this is quite chaotic, but there remains a certain semblance that is unmistakable. When confronted with death, especially when the loss is one of your our flesh, the emotions of life surface and are beyond control. These emotions swell inside of one's heart, begging for release, but too often we suppress these emotions, not wanting anybody to see our apparent vulnerability. Vulnerability is a strength, but it is often considered a weakness. One must be tough, strong, and guarded in their emotions. To do otherwise is treason to the American ideal of resiliency. We (men especially!) are not suppose to cry; it is better for us subvert these feelings than to openly express them for fear that another might feel uncomfortable by such outpourings. This is a disgrace to our nature. We are emotional creatures, and we should be allowed to grieve as we see fit after the death of a loved one. No, instead, we are forced to work through the pain. They will say, "Why don't you take a few days off to till with your loss" -- a few days? What is a few days when the ensuing depression can last for weeks, months, and even years at a time? Death brings about emotions that we are unfamiliar with, so how can we be expected to work through those emotions within a few days? Life is already hard enough. The fact that one is rarely able to express how they truly feel without fear of punishment, whether it be physical, mental, or emotion, is an absurdity, so when death manifests itself, how can we expect for a person to continue? It is a testament to human strength, but how far can the limits of one strength be tested before exhaustion rears its ugly head, crippling the efforts of those who choose to resist its powerful grip? I will never quite understand the pain of loss because I have never been afforded the opportunity to do so. I never have enough time to ruminate on what it means to die, such a thought process is almost always retrospective, at least for me that is. That is why I am happy to see that somebody has articulated the moment of such an event. No, I cannot quite understand all of what DuBois attempts to decipher is his musings, but the feeling is undeniable. Once more, DuBois has unlocked a hidden path through talk of the Veil.
It is hard to know the experience of death, but DuBois's commentary serves as yet another gateway of vicarious living. It is my belief that we can never know the full meaning and consequence of death, to do so would ensure total loss of the one who does not restrict themselves by acknowledging the downward fall that they are making to the depths of unknown feeling and emotion. DuBois, I feel, comes close, and I am sure that there are others as well who articulate the solemnity of the moment. Again, I feel liberated by the words and actions of DuBois. I am given greater understanding of my own life because of his ability to articulate the suffering of so many before me. There is much too unpack within this short work, but with time I believe that we will articulate such life experience that will be beneficial to many of the coming age. Generation will stand upon generation, seeking the knowledge of experience, a knowledge that will only remain an enigma if one fails to investigate and openly recognize the truth of its contents.
The vicissitudes of life are daily, moment to moment, even, and in his essay "Of the Passing of the First Born," DuBois captures these drastic changes with stunning clarity. His essay is no more than five pages long, but it seems that the reader is subjected to six or seven different personalities of DuBois. One was enraged, the other, misguided, another depressed, and several others either confused, betrayed, wounded, joyous, or sullen. All of this is quite chaotic, but there remains a certain semblance that is unmistakable. When confronted with death, especially when the loss is one of your our flesh, the emotions of life surface and are beyond control. These emotions swell inside of one's heart, begging for release, but too often we suppress these emotions, not wanting anybody to see our apparent vulnerability. Vulnerability is a strength, but it is often considered a weakness. One must be tough, strong, and guarded in their emotions. To do otherwise is treason to the American ideal of resiliency. We (men especially!) are not suppose to cry; it is better for us subvert these feelings than to openly express them for fear that another might feel uncomfortable by such outpourings. This is a disgrace to our nature. We are emotional creatures, and we should be allowed to grieve as we see fit after the death of a loved one. No, instead, we are forced to work through the pain. They will say, "Why don't you take a few days off to till with your loss" -- a few days? What is a few days when the ensuing depression can last for weeks, months, and even years at a time? Death brings about emotions that we are unfamiliar with, so how can we be expected to work through those emotions within a few days? Life is already hard enough. The fact that one is rarely able to express how they truly feel without fear of punishment, whether it be physical, mental, or emotion, is an absurdity, so when death manifests itself, how can we expect for a person to continue? It is a testament to human strength, but how far can the limits of one strength be tested before exhaustion rears its ugly head, crippling the efforts of those who choose to resist its powerful grip? I will never quite understand the pain of loss because I have never been afforded the opportunity to do so. I never have enough time to ruminate on what it means to die, such a thought process is almost always retrospective, at least for me that is. That is why I am happy to see that somebody has articulated the moment of such an event. No, I cannot quite understand all of what DuBois attempts to decipher is his musings, but the feeling is undeniable. Once more, DuBois has unlocked a hidden path through talk of the Veil.
It is hard to know the experience of death, but DuBois's commentary serves as yet another gateway of vicarious living. It is my belief that we can never know the full meaning and consequence of death, to do so would ensure total loss of the one who does not restrict themselves by acknowledging the downward fall that they are making to the depths of unknown feeling and emotion. DuBois, I feel, comes close, and I am sure that there are others as well who articulate the solemnity of the moment. Again, I feel liberated by the words and actions of DuBois. I am given greater understanding of my own life because of his ability to articulate the suffering of so many before me. There is much too unpack within this short work, but with time I believe that we will articulate such life experience that will be beneficial to many of the coming age. Generation will stand upon generation, seeking the knowledge of experience, a knowledge that will only remain an enigma if one fails to investigate and openly recognize the truth of its contents.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
A Lost Cause
This entry is a journey, a journey that is hidden, but full of meaning and truth, please enjoy!
Fear and Abstraction are the tenets, but what proceeds is a reality that is wholesome, capable of expounding its own grandeur and magnanimity. Yet it is all of it is dependent upon interpretation, let us now investigate the depths that have been left undiscovered. Begin.
The day has almost passed - the prerequisite for the founding of independence in this country - and I cannot help but to wonder how far I have come. This feeling is very similar to that of New York. In New York, I did not have an issue with reading. My trouble lied in writing last summer. The benefits were obvious, but because of my cautious nature, it did not seem right to have such a good time, especially when such fun was birthed from mental pursuits. Who in their right mind finds reading and writing fun? I thought it was a ludicrous idea, absurd even, but now I have learned. There was a time when I wanted to escape the truth of my existence; a time when the truth was a nothing more than a myopic glance of perfection; a time when confusion and its intoxicating effects were more desirable than the clarity of my own reality - a time of abhorrent deceit, of false pretenses, and self-righteous pretension. I was terrified of the truth. I would ask myself, subconsciously nonetheless, Is it real?, and my answer, I must admit, was a defiant no; the answer was sound and resolute at the time, and I accepted it as truth. What a fool I was then to believe that limitation and constriction were the keys to success. But now, yes, but now the answer is lucid and coherent.
I am no longer a subject to the viscous cycle of self-imposed destruction. I learn for the sake of learning, and I do not restrain my opportunities to do so by stagnation. It was easier to ponder about what could have or should have been, but that created a burden that was beyond the limits of human physicality to carry. Atlas? No atlas. The universe was upon me, but now I am liberated. I seek knowledge in all places and I recognize the self-discipline that has carried me thus far, despite my misgivings, my transgressions, my judgments. Yet I am not content. I need more, and will work to fulfill the potential that is my circle, my balance of will. I have no reason to limit myself. Yes, I will take it easy, but in way that is suitable to my talents. I need not lag behind my goals and aspirations. If I desire to complete the task, then that is what I shall do.
Forces of nature, rain down upon us. Cover us in your mercy and let our tears soak into your rivers, your streams, your seas, and your oceans. We know not of the knowledge we seek, but it is our nature to know the light and the darkness. We know not which one is better, so we beg of your forgiveness. Yes, we have altered the natural beauty that is your creation, but we know not what we do. Please, we beg, allow your forces, whatever those forces might be, to guide us in the right direction.
Heaven sings, and the song is Holy. Corruption is not allowed here. Stop.
Now for the foreshadowing...
Do you see the connection? Yes, the connection that is rooted in the very existence of humankind. Please. Tell. Me. You. See. It.
Play.
To make a most triumphant return was the plan of action, but only if one desires complete satisfaction. Admit it to yourself - you were lost. Comprehension and understanding escaped you. You ran, you fell. You ran, you conquered. How many times before it is all over?
From whence you came...
A question posed to all men of understanding, but one that will remain The enigma of our time. Limitless we desire it to be, but we are but finite creatures, searching for emptiness that will grant us fulfillment. How can this be so? Do you not understand? But what about me, you, him, her - all of this seems quite complicated. We must plunge deepen into the source of our indulgence, but we cannot go it alone, we need you.
And now we are brought to another triumphant of joy, the defeat of treachery and the ascendency of the Throne. Now there is but one hindering your progress. Profess his name before the crowd, do it, do not be afraid. If you refuse to heed my advice, the wrath will reign down upon and you will submit.
A lot of words; yet all of it not sense. We are not alone, despite what they tell us. So many references to the purity of our own existence, and yet we cannot seem to move. Zeno was correct. The golden apple that shattered the will of Atalanta is now our only desire. Woe is thee. The majority of minds have been corrupted of this greed. Immoral behavior is now accepted, and complacency is no longer a concern. Again, how far will we continue to plunge before we recognize our disposition of evil and degradation...
Another story to be continued. I am still not convinced of my own learning, so I will continue to seek not only the knowledge but the intricacies of its existence. There is a reason for the confusion, but as was true for Socrates, Anselm, Martin Luther, Descartes, Kant, Marx, DuBois, and Wittgenstein, the truth shall be revealed in due time, and fierce debate will follow. We subject ourselves to the confusion because that is what we are most comfortable with, but we do build upon the generations before us and utilize both tradition and enlightenment. There is no victor, only compromise. If you believe otherwise, what could you possibly be fighting for? You know not why you prior into the despair, only that the pain excites you?What is the remedy for such irresponsible behavior? There is no answer, only the sickening and malicious poison of your flesh that shall now be considered the lost cause.
Fear and Abstraction are the tenets, but what proceeds is a reality that is wholesome, capable of expounding its own grandeur and magnanimity. Yet it is all of it is dependent upon interpretation, let us now investigate the depths that have been left undiscovered. Begin.
The day has almost passed - the prerequisite for the founding of independence in this country - and I cannot help but to wonder how far I have come. This feeling is very similar to that of New York. In New York, I did not have an issue with reading. My trouble lied in writing last summer. The benefits were obvious, but because of my cautious nature, it did not seem right to have such a good time, especially when such fun was birthed from mental pursuits. Who in their right mind finds reading and writing fun? I thought it was a ludicrous idea, absurd even, but now I have learned. There was a time when I wanted to escape the truth of my existence; a time when the truth was a nothing more than a myopic glance of perfection; a time when confusion and its intoxicating effects were more desirable than the clarity of my own reality - a time of abhorrent deceit, of false pretenses, and self-righteous pretension. I was terrified of the truth. I would ask myself, subconsciously nonetheless, Is it real?, and my answer, I must admit, was a defiant no; the answer was sound and resolute at the time, and I accepted it as truth. What a fool I was then to believe that limitation and constriction were the keys to success. But now, yes, but now the answer is lucid and coherent.
I am no longer a subject to the viscous cycle of self-imposed destruction. I learn for the sake of learning, and I do not restrain my opportunities to do so by stagnation. It was easier to ponder about what could have or should have been, but that created a burden that was beyond the limits of human physicality to carry. Atlas? No atlas. The universe was upon me, but now I am liberated. I seek knowledge in all places and I recognize the self-discipline that has carried me thus far, despite my misgivings, my transgressions, my judgments. Yet I am not content. I need more, and will work to fulfill the potential that is my circle, my balance of will. I have no reason to limit myself. Yes, I will take it easy, but in way that is suitable to my talents. I need not lag behind my goals and aspirations. If I desire to complete the task, then that is what I shall do.
Forces of nature, rain down upon us. Cover us in your mercy and let our tears soak into your rivers, your streams, your seas, and your oceans. We know not of the knowledge we seek, but it is our nature to know the light and the darkness. We know not which one is better, so we beg of your forgiveness. Yes, we have altered the natural beauty that is your creation, but we know not what we do. Please, we beg, allow your forces, whatever those forces might be, to guide us in the right direction.
Heaven sings, and the song is Holy. Corruption is not allowed here. Stop.
Now for the foreshadowing...
Do you see the connection? Yes, the connection that is rooted in the very existence of humankind. Please. Tell. Me. You. See. It.
Play.
To make a most triumphant return was the plan of action, but only if one desires complete satisfaction. Admit it to yourself - you were lost. Comprehension and understanding escaped you. You ran, you fell. You ran, you conquered. How many times before it is all over?
From whence you came...
A question posed to all men of understanding, but one that will remain The enigma of our time. Limitless we desire it to be, but we are but finite creatures, searching for emptiness that will grant us fulfillment. How can this be so? Do you not understand? But what about me, you, him, her - all of this seems quite complicated. We must plunge deepen into the source of our indulgence, but we cannot go it alone, we need you.
And now we are brought to another triumphant of joy, the defeat of treachery and the ascendency of the Throne. Now there is but one hindering your progress. Profess his name before the crowd, do it, do not be afraid. If you refuse to heed my advice, the wrath will reign down upon and you will submit.
A lot of words; yet all of it not sense. We are not alone, despite what they tell us. So many references to the purity of our own existence, and yet we cannot seem to move. Zeno was correct. The golden apple that shattered the will of Atalanta is now our only desire. Woe is thee. The majority of minds have been corrupted of this greed. Immoral behavior is now accepted, and complacency is no longer a concern. Again, how far will we continue to plunge before we recognize our disposition of evil and degradation...
Another story to be continued. I am still not convinced of my own learning, so I will continue to seek not only the knowledge but the intricacies of its existence. There is a reason for the confusion, but as was true for Socrates, Anselm, Martin Luther, Descartes, Kant, Marx, DuBois, and Wittgenstein, the truth shall be revealed in due time, and fierce debate will follow. We subject ourselves to the confusion because that is what we are most comfortable with, but we do build upon the generations before us and utilize both tradition and enlightenment. There is no victor, only compromise. If you believe otherwise, what could you possibly be fighting for? You know not why you prior into the despair, only that the pain excites you?What is the remedy for such irresponsible behavior? There is no answer, only the sickening and malicious poison of your flesh that shall now be considered the lost cause.
Fear
This was something I wrote after I finished watching the Green Lantern this past Thursday.
It only overcomes me when I do what I am suppose to. I could ask why, but I am fully aware of the answer. For too long I habituated myself to accept it, but I refute it's presence. It will not take a hold of me this time. What are you saying? Why would you tell me anything different from what I know and believe? Yes, I made a mistake, but that does not give you the right to control me. You have dictated my life for far too long; it is time that my will shine through, or should I say His will. I have been running away from you too long. I am no longer afraid. What you did to me was unforgivable, and if I ever have to sink that low into my own self-pity and despair, I will know exactly what do to do. I will admit it to myself and anybody else who chooses to listen. Most of them will not, but that will not stop the inevitable. I was blessed with this gift, this talent. The habit was developed quite some time ago, but now I recognize the habit, and I will muster all of my strength to cultivate it as I need to.
Courage in the face of the unthinkable. With no one to guide other than Him, how will you react to the deception? Just as I always have, with diligence and persistence of action. Even if I choose the wrong path, I will not avoid the ensuing consequences. I have been wrong before, too often to be honest. But I will not remain stagnant. Stagnation only increases your power as my continuous stream of thoughts devour my ambition and ability to conquer. The truth of your strength has been revealed to me. It is not easy for me to admit when I need help, but I now know that there will be someone there to guide me to the right path. It might take longer than I originally intended, but I know that patience and understanding will give me the strength to endure. There have been so many before me that defeated you, and I will surely not be the last. The limits of your power have been exposed, and your dominion is being eradicated gradually. We cannot do it all at one time -- hasty solutions do not solve century long issues. We will wait, and we will act. It is our turn to change the world, and this time our efforts will succeed and stand the hands of time.
Can you not hear my voice? It is this the voice of billions. Our voices are united. We have come to understand the roots of division, and our awareness gives us greater perspective to see through and past the deception. Another verse is unnecessary because we all know who is the deceitful adversary...
It only overcomes me when I do what I am suppose to. I could ask why, but I am fully aware of the answer. For too long I habituated myself to accept it, but I refute it's presence. It will not take a hold of me this time. What are you saying? Why would you tell me anything different from what I know and believe? Yes, I made a mistake, but that does not give you the right to control me. You have dictated my life for far too long; it is time that my will shine through, or should I say His will. I have been running away from you too long. I am no longer afraid. What you did to me was unforgivable, and if I ever have to sink that low into my own self-pity and despair, I will know exactly what do to do. I will admit it to myself and anybody else who chooses to listen. Most of them will not, but that will not stop the inevitable. I was blessed with this gift, this talent. The habit was developed quite some time ago, but now I recognize the habit, and I will muster all of my strength to cultivate it as I need to.
Courage in the face of the unthinkable. With no one to guide other than Him, how will you react to the deception? Just as I always have, with diligence and persistence of action. Even if I choose the wrong path, I will not avoid the ensuing consequences. I have been wrong before, too often to be honest. But I will not remain stagnant. Stagnation only increases your power as my continuous stream of thoughts devour my ambition and ability to conquer. The truth of your strength has been revealed to me. It is not easy for me to admit when I need help, but I now know that there will be someone there to guide me to the right path. It might take longer than I originally intended, but I know that patience and understanding will give me the strength to endure. There have been so many before me that defeated you, and I will surely not be the last. The limits of your power have been exposed, and your dominion is being eradicated gradually. We cannot do it all at one time -- hasty solutions do not solve century long issues. We will wait, and we will act. It is our turn to change the world, and this time our efforts will succeed and stand the hands of time.
Can you not hear my voice? It is this the voice of billions. Our voices are united. We have come to understand the roots of division, and our awareness gives us greater perspective to see through and past the deception. Another verse is unnecessary because we all know who is the deceitful adversary...
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