The Death of A Loved One

It pains me to know that I lack the experience of loss. I am still trudging through "The Souls of Black Folk" by DuBois, I cannot help but to wonder how he was able to persist in his efforts, despite the constant injustice that was imposed upon him by a society that rejected notions of Negro intelligence as a farce. American society has changed a great deal since the time of DuBois, but it seems that what DuBois was able to accomplish was beyond his years, and in many ways, it still beyond what we believe and understand today. Yet I do not want emphasize his prescient scholarship, I would rather analyze the feeling that he conveyed through the death of his son.

The vicissitudes of life are daily, moment to moment, even, and in his essay "Of the Passing of the First Born," DuBois captures these drastic changes with stunning clarity. His essay is no more than five pages long, but it seems that the reader is subjected to six or seven different personalities of DuBois. One was enraged, the other, misguided, another depressed, and several others either confused, betrayed, wounded, joyous, or sullen. All of this is quite chaotic, but there remains a certain semblance that is unmistakable. When confronted with death, especially when the loss is one of your our flesh, the emotions of life surface and are beyond control. These emotions swell inside of one's heart, begging for release, but too often we suppress these emotions, not wanting anybody to see our apparent vulnerability. Vulnerability is a strength, but it is often considered a weakness. One must be tough, strong, and guarded in their emotions. To do otherwise is treason to the American ideal of resiliency. We (men especially!) are not suppose to cry; it is better for us subvert these feelings than to openly express them for fear that another might feel uncomfortable by such outpourings. This is a disgrace to our nature. We are emotional creatures, and we should be allowed to grieve as we see fit after the death of a loved one. No, instead, we are forced to work through the pain. They will say, "Why don't you take a few days off to till with your loss" -- a few days? What is a few days when the ensuing depression can last for weeks, months, and even years at a time? Death brings about emotions that we are unfamiliar with, so how can we be expected to work through those emotions within a few days? Life is already hard enough. The fact that one is rarely able to express how they truly feel without fear of punishment, whether it be physical, mental, or emotion, is an absurdity, so when death manifests itself, how can we expect for a person to continue? It is a testament to human strength, but how far can the limits of one strength be tested before exhaustion rears its ugly head, crippling the efforts of those who choose to resist its powerful grip? I will never quite understand the pain of loss because I have never been afforded the opportunity to do so. I never have enough time to ruminate on what it means to die, such a thought process is almost always retrospective, at least for me that is. That is why I am happy to see that somebody has articulated the moment of such an event. No, I cannot quite understand all of what DuBois attempts to decipher is his musings, but the feeling is undeniable. Once more, DuBois has unlocked a hidden path through talk of the Veil.

It is hard to know the experience of death, but DuBois's commentary serves as yet another gateway of vicarious living. It is my belief that we can never know the full meaning and consequence of death, to do so would ensure total loss of the one who does not restrict themselves by acknowledging the downward fall that they are making to the depths of unknown feeling and emotion. DuBois, I feel, comes close, and I am sure that there are others as well who articulate the solemnity of the moment. Again, I feel liberated by the words and actions of DuBois. I am given greater understanding of my own life because of his ability to articulate the suffering of so many before me. There is much too unpack within this short work, but with time I believe that we will articulate such life experience that will be beneficial to many of the coming age. Generation will stand upon generation, seeking the knowledge of experience, a knowledge that will only remain an enigma if one fails to investigate and openly recognize the truth of its contents.