Who Will Cry With Me?

I wrote this piece a few days ago, but I think that it is appropriate to post it after "Love Sharpens," please enjoy!


(06.19.11)

Who will cry with me?

All of this seems so intense, at times I really do not know what to do, but I am gradually improving everyday. I now know the meaning of love, and it feels great. When I wake up, I feel as if I have something to really live for, but it is deeper than just the girl. She is the fire that kindles my soul, restoring the passion that I once had for life in such a way that I am one with the wind, the birds, the trees, nature. I can hear the song of the bird on the windowsill, and he tells me to hold on, so that is what I will do. The fireflies dance in the cool summer breeze, while the trees blow in the wind majestically waiting for the rain to kiss their leaves, restoring them to a new and wonderful phase of life. This is the passion that I have. The words use to escape me, but now they flow without hesitation. I am so proud that I have finally arrived. But again, I owe it to her. If this be the case though, why is it that I still try to deny my love for her, attempting to implant that love in others? That is exactly what they are to me. I am the blade of grass that stands alone, but the weeds grow around me, attempting to force me back down to the ground. Is the ground safe or will it mean that I sink back into the darkness? What am I suppose to do when I cannot see her? How about you tell me the truth, can you do it? You always have something to say about my relationships, but you are not even here to tell me the truth about myself. So not only do I not have her, I do not have you as well. Both guidance and support are gone, and I am left with only me. I can only cry when I know that you can hear me, but your voice has been muted by your own fate, a mistake that has devastated me once again. How come you did this to me when I needed you most? Did I not share my heart with you, how could you do this? Answer me! You cannot, so regress...

The mood has shifted, and with the loss of my only guidance, I continue to search for support more than ever. She is so close, but yet so far. I can feel her breathing life into me, making me whole when I feel so broken. But the strength alludes me. All we can do is sharpen, but that process is so painful. I feel better each day, but I know that I will slip and fall. I will cry, but only on the inside, and you will not even be able to see me. Please come back to me, I need you right now. I cannot go on a moment longer without you. I write letters to you that I do not intend to send, but what is the use if I am never going to see you again. I love you,

No!

Your name will not be mentioned. I cannot do that to myself. Every time I say it, I feel such a passionate release, but I will not expose myself this time. This time it will remain a secret, but only for as long as you continue to be out of my presence. When I see you, the secret will be eliminated from the depths of my soul. No more trying, only action, if need be, I will cry alone, but I have to ask, won't you cry with me?