Why Are You So Afraid?

Something of a poem about love.


I need for you tell me a secret, one that you have been hiding from me since the day we met. Wait. This can be no more. If I have been patient for this long, why is it now that I must wait on you? Tell me what I want to hear. No, instead you will refuse. I need to tell you something, but you are resistant. Each time I allow myself to be vulnerable around you, you make a fool of me. My heart is in despair. Why the pain? I took the initial step, I was bold, firm, resolute even, but it has amounted to nothing more than a painful mystery.

This is the time for me to tell you, but you are still not ready. Why? Did I not show you the affection that you had been longing for? Did I not give you the love that you so desperately needed, answer me! Patience. No, I do not want to wait. Why is it that I do what I am supposed to do and my feelings are never reciprocated by you? I am moving to fast? No, I am doing what is best for the both of us. I am not afraid, and this time, it is your decision. I have done the right thing, that which will ensure my happiness. I refuse to carry the burden of darkness that will weigh down on me, crushing my being until I am not able to recognize myself. I refuse. I will not live with the regret because tomorrow is not promised. I am seeing the future, and you are oblivious to the present moment. We will not work, but one day you will no longer be afraid of me. And that is a day that I will rejoice to all of you. Victory in the name of love, my only desire.

But wait there is another. She is of the same kind but firm. She knows herself well, but not well enough to let go. Why do I continually find myself in this situation? I am not searching for much, just companionship, but I only receive rejection. I was honest with you. That is what you wanted, right? A deep and emotional connection untainted by the restrictive measures of societies definitions of truth. We are honest with one another, but you tell me that you have certain issues. No, you are afraid. She was and so are you, you both are.

 Cursed I am because of their fears and worries. Why do they not just give themselves over to what they feel? I am not seeking the product, I want the process; yet we cannot move forward if our foundations are built upon trust and honesty. I will not lie because I am secure in my beliefs, and I do want to torture my soul again. But you will wait for nothing, no matter, I will wait with you. You are special to me, and I do care about how this develops. I am suffering more than you know, but only to sharpen what we do share, my only hope is that you will continue to grow with me. I love you.